We all have heard about the term gaslighting, which is a form of emotional abuse that makes the victim doubt their reality. But, have you ever heard about self-gaslighting? It is a form of gaslighting that we do to ourselves.
Self-gaslighting is a psychological term used to describe when someone manipulates their own thoughts and feelings to avoid facing difficult or uncomfortable truths about themselves or their circumstances.
We convince ourselves that we are crazy or unjustified. We misinterpret situations that lead to distorted views of ourselves and others. It can be a harmful practice and lead to mental health concerns such as depression, anxiety, and even personality disorders. In this blog post, we will discuss five signs that you are self-gaslighting and how to stop it.
1. You rationalize your behavior
One of the most common signs of self-gaslighting is rationalizing your behavior even when you know it’s not okay. For example, you may justify your addiction to drugs or alcohol by thinking that you need it to cope with stress, anxiety, or depression. However, deep down, you know that it’s affecting your relationships, work, or health. The first step to stop self-gaslighting in this case is to admit to yourself that your behavior is problematic and seek help from a professional or support groups to achieve recovery.
2. You blame others for your problems
Another way of self-gaslighting is blaming others for the issues you are facing. For instance, you may blame your boss for not promoting you, your partner for not being supportive enough, or your mental health for being too difficult to manage. This excessive blaming can prevent you from taking responsibility for your actions, and it may create a victim mentality that is self-defeating and can hinder your progress. Instead, try to own your mistakes, identify the areas you need to work on and take small steps towards your goals.
3. You invalidate your feelings
Self-gaslighting can also manifest in the way you handle your emotions. If you invalidate your feelings, it can lead to suppression, repression, or even dissociation, which can be detrimental to your mental health. Some examples of invalidating statements are “I shouldn’t feel this way,” “I’m overreacting,” or “It’s not a big deal.”
By dismissing your emotions, you might be unknowingly numbing yourself from being fully present in your life, and you deprive yourself of the chance to heal and grow.
A better way to cope with your emotions is to accept them without judgment or critique and find healthy ways to express them, such as journaling, art, or talking to a trusted friend.
4. You constantly seek validation
Seeking validation from others is natural, but when it becomes a compulsive behavior, it can signal self-gaslighting. If you are always asking for approval, reassurance, or validation from people in your life, you might be trying to compensate for the lack of self-worth or self-esteem. You may doubt your abilities, your choices, or your identity so much that you rely on others to define them for you. However, this can create a cycle of dependency that undermines your autonomy and agency. To break free from this pattern, you need to work on building your self-confidence, self-respect, and self-love. This may involve self-exploration, practicing self-care, affirming your values and strengths, and learning to set boundaries.
5. You minimize your achievements
Self-gaslighting can also show up in how you view your accomplishments. If you minimize your achievements and dismiss compliments or positive feedback, it can be a sign of self-doubt or fear of success. You may downplay your skills, your talents, or your hard work, and attribute them to luck, help from others, or external factors. While humility is a commendable quality, it shouldn’t come at the cost of downplaying your self-worth or diminishing your achievements. Instead, learn to acknowledge your successes, celebrate them, and use them as a motivation to reach new heights.
6. You question your emotions and thoughts
If you always doubt your emotions and find yourself questioning their validity, it might be a sign that you are self-gaslighting. You might think that you are overreacting, being too sensitive, or exaggerating your feelings. By doing so, you invalidate your feelings and your intuition. To stop self-gaslighting, try to acknowledge your emotions. Remind yourself that your emotions are valid, and you are allowed to feel them.
7. You always apologize
If you’re always apologizing, even when it is not your fault, it might be a sign that you are self-gaslighting. You might think that the argument or situation is your fault, even when you did nothing wrong. To stop this unhealthy habit, try to examine the situation from an objective point of view. Ask yourself whether you are responsible or not. If you are not, then you don’t have to apologize.
8. You blame yourself all the time
Always blaming yourself when things go wrong might be a sign that you are self-gaslighting. You might think that you are the cause of everything bad that happens to you, even when it’s not your fault. To stop self-gaslighting, try to identify the real cause of the problem. Are you really responsible, or are you blaming yourself unfairly?
9. You have trouble trusting yourself
If you find it hard to trust your decisions, judgments, or intuition, it might be a sign that you are self-gaslighting. You might think that you are always wrong, even when you are right. By doing so, you are denying yourself the opportunity to grow and learn from your mistakes. To stop self-gaslighting, try to trust yourself. Believe in your abilities, and don’t be afraid to make mistakes. They are an essential part of learning and growing.
Self-gaslighting can be an insidious habit that can damage your sense of self and impair your mental health. However, by recognizing the signs and taking steps to address them, you can break free from this pattern and create a healthier relationship with yourself. It requires honesty, self-awareness, a willingness to take responsibility for your actions, and removing your perceived responsibility for others’ actions. If you need support or guidance, don’t hesitate to seek professional help or talk to someone you trust. Remember, you are worthy of self-love, acceptance, and growth, and you deserve to live a life where you can trust your own voice and beliefs.
